Chapter 94: A Dialogue About Love and Affection Before Life and Death
Among the people from the National Teaching Academy, Zheshou was not the highest in cultivation level, but he was definitely the strongest in combat. If it came to a life-and-death struggle, even Chen Changsheng would not be his match, because he possessed extremely rich combat experience and a terrifying will forged between life and death. However, he had no experience whatsoever with matters of this kind, let alone any insight.
"Doesn't she hate you quite a bit?" He asked the doubt in his heart very directly.
Chen Changsheng smiled, not knowing how to answer this question. Yet this smile made him sense a faint rusty taste deep in his throat. It was the taste of blood. His expression shifted slightly, his spiritual sense stirred faintly, and he examined himself internally. Then he fell into a long silence, his face very pale.
So... this was how it was. Could it be that his twentieth-year limit had arrived early?
He could clearly feel that all the meridians in his body had once been severed. It was just that he didn't know why the thousands of bloody wounds on those meridians had now been burned closed, no longer bleeding. Then, he understood why this was—because he could feel her blood flowing within his own body.
The clear, slightly cold lake water slowly flowed around the wooden pillars of the small building. Footsteps sounded as Xu Yourong and Tang Thirty-Six entered the building. Tang Thirty-Six gestured for Zheshou to leave with him, so only Chen Changsheng and Xu Yourong remained inside. The lake water still flowed slowly beneath the building, and the little black fish was no longer as excited as before, but the pit of the candied date was nowhere to be found.
Chen Changsheng and Xu Yourong gazed at each other in silence. For a very long time, neither spoke. The space between them was very quiet, even seeming somewhat desolate. He thought that, after all, he was the man, and some words should be spoken by him. He moistened his somewhat dry lips, looked at her very seriously, and said, "I'm sorry."
This simple apology contained many meanings—that he had concealed his illness, that his fate was unlucky and had implicated her, that he could no longer continue the journey with her.
Xu Yourong quietly looked into his eyes and said, "That night, you said you had a secret you wanted to tell me. Was it this matter?"
"Yes. I have been in poor health since childhood. After I turned ten, my spirit essence leaked out from my severed meridians. My master determined that I would not live past twenty, but..."
Chen Changsheng was silent for a moment, then continued, "I thought I could at least live to twenty. I still had more than three years. I thought I might really be able to change my fate. I wanted to try first and then talk about it. But I never expected that my twentieth year would arrive early."
Xu Yourong said, "And then?"
Chen Changsheng looked at her snow-white face and could imagine how much effort she had expended to save him earlier—truly, her heart's blood. He said softly, "I'm sorry."
Xu Yourong put her hands behind her back and walked to the window. Gazing at the stars filling the night sky, she was quiet for a while before saying, "When you wanted to tell me then, I didn't want to listen, so there's no need for you to feel apologetic."
Chen Changsheng was silent for a long time before saying, "At least the engagement has been dissolved."
"Otherwise, I would have become a widow?" Xu Yourong did not turn around, and her voice turned cold and clear.
Chen Changsheng could sense her emotions at this moment. He was somewhat moved, somewhat comforted, but more than anything, uneasy. Looking at her back, he said, "I'm going to die."
Xu Yourong's voice grew even colder, even somewhat indifferent: "And then?"
Chen Changsheng said, "Zheshou's illness might be curable, but this illness of mine truly cannot be cured."
Xu Yourong said the same two words again: "And then?"
Chen Changsheng continued, "Senior Su Li is so free-spirited and broad-minded, yet he still didn't agree to let his daughter marry Zheshou. How could your parents agree to let you marry me?"
Xu Yourong said, "I don't need my parents' command. My teachers have also gone far away. My marriage is my own affair."
Chen Changsheng said, "And what about Her Majesty? She dotes on you so much and looks after you so well. Don't you need to listen to her opinion?"
Xu Yourong's voice was very calm: "In my affairs, I have never listened to anyone else's opinion. And if you truly were Crown Prince Zhaoming, then whether you were sick or not, about to die or live for ten thousand years, Her Majesty would not agree to let me marry you. So this question of yours is meaningless."
Starlight fell on the lake's surface, was reflected up, and landed on the small building, turning everything silver. It also outlined her figure with a silver edge, making her look very beautiful, as if she might ride the wind and depart at any moment.
Looking at her figure, Chen Changsheng felt she was growing farther and farther away. He said in a low voice, "And what about me?"
Xu Yourong turned to face him. Her skirt hem fluttered in the wind, and her voice was as cold as the wind: "And what about you?"
Chen Changsheng looked into her eyes without backing down: "I won't let you marry a dying man. I don't want you to tell the world about our relationship. Our engagement has already been dissolved. As long as we don't acknowledge it, then after I die, it will be much more convenient for you to marry whomever you want—for example, Senior Qiushan."
After waking up and confirming that his meridians were all severed, his life force was gone, and his days were numbered, he had begun to consider some issues. This was his true thought, his own decision. He thought he would accept all of this very calmly. Yet when he said that she should marry someone like Qiushan Jun in the future, for some reason, a trace of bitterness still rose in his heart.
Xu Yourong looked at him quietly for a very long time. Just when Chen Changsheng thought she would turn and leave, she suddenly said, "Just as you said, the engagement between us has already been dissolved. So there is no relationship between us. Since that's the case, what right do you have to discuss how to arrange my life after your death, as if you were my fiancé?"
Chen Changsheng didn't know how to respond, because everything she said was correct.
"But I really am going to die, and very soon."
"Everyone dies. Emperor Taizong and Zhou Dufu also died. This is a common matter."
"I'm just worried about you."
"Rest assured. While you are alive, I can die for you, just as you can die for me."
This was the most passionate declaration of love, the most sincere confession. But Xu Yourong said it very calmly and indifferently, as if she were explaining the most simple and basic principle—water flows downward, the sun sets and rises again, everyone dies, and we are companions on the same path, lovers, so naturally we can offer our lives for each other.
If it were anyone else, they would certainly be unable to adapt to this contrast between passionate words and calm demeanor, left speechless in astonishment. But Chen Changsheng's temperament was also very special. He didn't find anything wrong with it; instead, he felt that this was the her he liked. Because he was a similar person—whether facing life and death or love and affection, he would bury his emotions deep down and face and handle things with a calm attitude.
"...But I will not live for you. While you are alive, I will live my own life. If you die, I will also live well."
Xu Yourong looked into his eyes and said, "But first, you must strive to live. I also want to strive to let you live. I don't want you to die."
This dialogue about love and affection before life and death came to an end here.
She had calmly won the final victory in this debate.
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(There will be another chapter tonight. The original title was "A Dialogue About Love and Affection Before Life and Death," and I also wanted to call it "And Then." But because when I was about to publish, I found that the two characters for "love and affection" couldn't even be displayed, I got angry. So I insist on using this title. I just don't understand—what's so sensitive about this word? I'm really angry.)