Chapter 384: A Doomed Life
How many days has it been...?
I looked at the scratches on the wall and couldn't help but force a bitter smile.
Twenty days.
I've been trapped in here for twenty days!!
Over these three weeks, all I've been given each day is one bottle of water and one bag of bread.
A person can survive three days without water, a week without food.
But with only one bottle of water and one loaf of bread a day... how long can a person last?
Due to severe nutritional imbalance, my whole body has started to lose strength.
In the height of summer, I've been locked in an extremely stifling small room. There's no proper place for me to relieve myself, so the stench of filth fills the air.
Countless maggots and flies roam the room, and countless cockroaches crawl all over the walls.
How ironic... My current situation is just so laughable.
Me—someone who at home couldn't even tolerate a speck of dust—now lives side by side with cockroaches every day.
The first few days, I ran around frantically trying to avoid them, but the space was too small; no matter what I did, I couldn't get away.
I had no choice but to let them crawl all over my body.
The cockroaches feel soft and cold. When they crawl across my arm, it tickles, and you can barely feel their slight weight.
I'm truly terrified of these things, but I can't escape them. Every day I feel goosebumps all over my body, but I know that while I sleep, they press up against me, their little forelegs rubbing delicately.
They talk to me at night, using my body for warmth. I can casually pull cockroaches out of my hair.
In this dark, cramped room, I have no hygiene supplies—only bugs... only countless bugs...
But who am I, anyway?
Am I Zhang Laidi, the girl who at seven years old had to cook for the whole family after school every day? Or am I Zhang Chenze, who at thirty-three, had people from various companies send cars to pick her up for meetings?
I have two completely opposite lives—that's not normal, is it?
One of them must be a dream, right?
Yes, I must be having delusions.
If I had to choose now... I want to be Zhang Laidi.
I don't want to die.
I've lost. I truly surrender.
These people have no regard for the law at all. He will definitely starve me to death here.
If I don't become Zhang Laidi, then I'll just be a corpse.
I'm a human... I'm not a pig. I shouldn't be locked in a tiny room every day, eating, drinking, and defecating all in the same place.
I want to stand up. I want to shake off the bugs on me. I want to change into clean clothes, take a shower, and eat a juicy peach.
I want to be Zhang Laidi.
What was I even touching before? Some distant, unattainable dream?
I foolishly thought I could escape here and start another life.
Those ten years in Chengdu were the most absurd dream of my life.
I was wrong. I won't dare again.
As long as I can leave this room, I'll agree to anything.
I'm willing to be Mrs. Ma. I'm willing to stay in the village. I'm willing to give him children.
My life was destined to be like this from birth. I was just struggling in a dream.
If simply through my own efforts I could completely escape this fate, then why are there still so many miserable people in the world? That wouldn't be fair to them.
Now my dream is over. It's time to return to my original life.
My cockroach friends... do you think I'm right?
But that butcher—why hasn't he come for me?
Didn't he say he'd starve me for five days?
It's been twenty days now!
Thank goodness I can still tell day from night in this room, and faintly hear sounds from a distance. Otherwise, I'd definitely go crazy.
What's been going on in the village lately?
A few days ago, I kept hearing police sirens and faint arguments, but these days it's gone quiet.
I don't even have the strength to speak now, let alone call for help.
Who can come and save me?
But would calling for help even work? Everyone in this village is so united—they even rehearse their statements beforehand.
In these deep mountains, even if someone died, no one would necessarily call the police.
Finally, evening came, and the door to the room was opened.
This was the second time the door had been opened in twenty days.
"Damn it..." Butcher Ma stood there scowling. He looked back, saw no one around, and turned to close the door.
I gasped for air, stretched out my hand, and tried to say something, but I realized my arms had become shriveled.
When did this happen...?
"What the hell did you do in the city?!" he asked, panic-stricken. "Why did so many cops show up? Scared me so much I didn't dare come for weeks..."
"Let me..." I finally managed to utter two words, using almost all my strength, "Let me go..."
"Still want to leave?"
Only then did I notice the oil lamp in his hand. He set it aside and started unbuckling his belt.
My mind was hazy. For a moment, I didn't even know what he was doing.
"Locking you up, you bitch, has been nothing but trouble... Can't wait for you to cave. I'll just take you now."
Wait... wait a second...
I finally realized what was happening, but my thoughts were abnormally sluggish. All the words I wanted to say crashed together like cars in a pileup, stuck in my throat without a single one coming out.
He slapped me to the ground and started tearing at my clothes.
I had no strength to resist.
Can I say something?
I agree... I agree to everything, but don't touch me like this...
Please...
"Tch..." He pulled down my pants and showed a look of disgust. "You stupid woman... how are you filthier than a pig?"
I was about to collapse. All the dignity I had accumulated, all the perseverance I had clung to for so long—it all crumbled in that moment.
What terrible crime have I committed that my life has to be so miserable?
What am I supposed to do?
At that moment, I was like a corpse. No matter what this stinking man did to me, I couldn't move a muscle.
"Stupid woman..." Seeing no reaction from me, he raised his hand and slapped me across the face again.
He hit me many times. My mouth was full of the taste of blood, but I didn't make a single sound.
Only when he stopped his movements on top of me did tears finally stream down my face.
This is my life.
This is the life that was destined for me from the day I was born.
They say that on the day I was born, there were six babies in the delivery room, five of them boys.
My father and mother happily asked the doctor, "Which boy is ours?"
When they learned that the only girl was their child, their faces turned cold and they turned to leave without a word. If the doctor hadn't stopped them, I wouldn't even have parents right now.
"Fucking hopeless..."
Butcher Ma stood up and pulled on his pants. Just when I thought it was over, he dealt me another crushing blow.
He took out his phone—I don't know how old it was—and started taking pictures and videos of me from every angle.
Everything that could be photographed, and everything that shouldn't be.
Illegal... he's breaking the law again...
But wait... why should I care if he's breaking the law?
This is my life from now on. I'm not a lawyer. I'm Zhang Laidi.
At my most helpless, my most desperate, my most filthy moment, he carefully recorded every inch of me.
Now, I can't even raise a hand to cover my face.
"Stupid woman, you like filing complaints, don't you?" He turned the phone around and shook it in front of my eyes. "If you dare to complain, I'll spread these pictures everywhere, got it?"
After saying this, he spat on the floor, muttered, "Stinks to death," and slammed the door shut, locking the chain again.
He's gone again...?
No, this can't go on. Don't leave me here again. I feel like I'm dying.
I think I'm hurt... sick... and starving to death...
Don't abandon me here...
My whole body hurts. Vaguely, I feel a cockroach crawling onto my face.
Don't touch me anymore... please, don't touch me anymore...
With all my remaining strength, I stretched out a hand and picked the cockroach off my face.
I want so badly to crush it in my hand.
But that wouldn't be fair.
This cockroach hasn't done anything wrong. It would only be dying because of my emotions. That's not right.
My suffering is already miserable enough. There's no need to drag another life into it.