Chapter 926: My Goal
I knew I had never lost my memory, but I had skipped over several days of it. In White Ram's hands, my memory was like a film reel, with portions arbitrarily cut out. This not only caused me to forget certain things but also made my life fast-forward.
Thinking of this, I gave a bitter laugh. My life truly was chaotic—fragmented memories combined with intermittent "life fast-forwards" all tangled around me. They seemed to occur randomly, yet they were firmly controlled by White Ram.
Even Azure Dragon had once mocked my chaotic life.
On that day, when I left "Heaven's Gate," even the fake smile I had always worn on my face disappeared. I was too disappointed in Chu Tianqiu.
I had previously told many members of "Jidao" that if they ever wanted to quit or felt utterly desperate, they could seek refuge with Chu Tianqiu, the King of the Good Ones. "Heaven's Gate" had long been the escape route for all of "Jidao."
I had even indulged in some very unrealistic fantasies.
I knew the path I was walking with Brother Yang was far too dangerous—a "path of rebellion." If what Brother Yang was doing was discovered by Celestial Dragon, everyone connected to him would die without a burial place. At that time, I would have definitely tried to protect all of "Jidao" and let them join "Heaven's Gate."
After all, Chu Tianqiu's "Heaven's Gate" was safe—at least in the eyes of Celestial Dragon.
But who could have predicted the twists of fate? White Ram, in such a perilous position, did not collapse, while Chu Tianqiu, who had always been working for the "Participant," fell apart.
Could it be that the "Participant" is even more terrifying than the "Celestial Dragon"?
The reason I had maintained faith in "Heaven's Gate" for so long was because Aunt Tong was there.
She had never left since joining "Heaven's Gate."
Even after Chu Tianqiu had done such outrageous things, even after he had gone mad and started creating human-like beings, Aunt Tong still chose not to withdraw. Her meaning was crystal clear.
If the timing weren't so awkward, I really wanted to ask her... does Chu Tianqiu still have that immense "good karma" now?
Will "Heaven's Gate" one day receive blessings because of Chu Tianqiu's great "good karma"?
Forgive my bluntness, but I see no such path. The rumors on the street had already shifted direction. Some said Chu Tianqiu had begun letting many people in the organization die at will. He had not only lost the qualities of a leader but also his authority as one.
That's how "karma" works. If Chu Tianqiu had done nothing, perhaps he wouldn't have been affected by it—his life would have no blessings or retributions. But he chose to create an organization, delusionally attempting to lead everyone out of this godforsaken place. Success or failure aside, the karma of others became his karma.
That day, Chu Tianqiu shared his unique insight into creating clones, which also provoked deep thought in me.
If this place could really be escaped, would I rather go out myself, or would I prefer that "Yan Zhichun"—this person—go out?
"Yan Zhichun" has my memories, knows everything that has happened to me. So I share the same view as Chu Tianqiu.
No matter which "Yan Zhichun" escapes, it could be considered as me escaping. Because my experience is different from others—I have been replicated countless times.
There's nothing unacceptable about that... Every single one of us is constantly being copied here. Anyone who has gone through a few cycles and retained their memories will notice this problem.
Our corpses remain here, while new lives spring up from the ground.
The corpses here increase day by day, and the stench grows thicker day by day.
We are all replicas—how can we tell whose bloodline is purer?
I believe White Ram must think the same way. By constantly replicating my life to carry out his tasks, he naturally passed this psychological hurdle long ago.
So I can split my life in two. If a replica of me really does escape, let her return to the real world, live that miserable, self-loathing life, and in passing, let my parents know I'm safe. After everyone is reassured, I can stay here and live on.
After all, this place holds my best friends in this life, and family-like figures who are like mentors. I don't want to leave.
If one day Brother Yang returns and can lead me to capture the entire "Land of the End," then I must negotiate with him. I need an administrative position. I want to ensure that the people here no longer live in such misery.
Thinking carefully, if Brother Yang had said back then "take everyone to escape," I probably wouldn't have chosen to help him right away. Because I clearly know that many people here don't want to escape—even my own desire to escape is very low.
But what he said was seize control of this place, become the ruler, and make me an elder.
Everything perfectly aligns with my thoughts on this place. There really is no need for us to escape, but there is a need to liberate this place.
The only thing left to do now is wait for Brother Yang's return.
But Brother Yang... will you really come back?
I have prepared everything, even offered my life countless times...
Now "Jidao" no longer has "Heaven's Gate" as a fallback. We can only charge toward Celestial Dragon with you.
I will lead "Jidao" and choose to shatter ourselves here, gambling for one last hope.
But can you appear sooner... before I go mad, before Jiang Ruoxue goes mad, before the entire "Jidao" goes mad?
I feel everyone is at their limit, Brother Yang.
Even if you're lying to me, it doesn't matter.
Now I've made peace with it. Even if you reappear and have truly forgotten everything, even if you plan to toy with my life again and set even grander challenges for me, I'll accept it.
I don't want to live like a headless fly here. I said long ago that I'm not afraid of danger or hardship—only of losing my goal.
...
After the "Pegasus Moment," I came to rest inside a building. In the evening, two women walked in one after another.
It was late at night; maybe they wanted to spend the night here too.
It was really strange. Even after a massacre on the scale of the "Pegasus Moment," there were still unfamiliar faces I'd never seen before who survived.
This gave a very jarring feeling, as if everything in the world had intertwined causes and effects.
For instance, Brother Yang had deceived me countless times... yet I still wished he would come back and deceive me once more.
Enough... Brother Yang, after dawn, I'll set out again. After all, even the strangers here are striving. What right do I have to be so slack?
Even if you never return, it doesn't matter... I've already engraved what you wanted to do in my heart. Starting tomorrow, I will walk your path.
From the very beginning, I placed all my hopes on you. But now, I am strong enough. Brother Yang, if you don't appear, I will take the lead and bring "Jidao" to the "Train." After all, this is our last chance to fight.
Watching the sun rise, I slowly stood up. Perhaps everything is about to begin.
I am Yan Zhichun. I am the "King of Jidao."
I am the special "Participant" that White Ram personally recruited to cooperate with, and I am also the "Mind-Snatcher."
In the days to come, I will learn to lie like White Ram.
(Yan Zhichun's chronicle is finished! I still owe an explanation to the readers who have been following along. Actually, there were several chances to end Yan Zhichun's chronicle, but I really hadn't filled in all the holes. After pondering, I decided to stretch the story line a bit longer.)
(Because once you miss certain opportunities to fill the gaps, there's no suitable chance later. Ending Yan Zhichun's arc early might improve the reading experience in the short term, but in the long run, it would definitely leave a bunch of issues—issues that couldn't be addressed in the main text later. So I had to explain all the plot points that needed explaining in one go. This writing approach might be a bit willful. Sorry for keeping you waiting, and thank you for indulging my stubbornness.)
(Also, observant readers might have noticed that although this is "Yan Zhichun's Chronicle," at its core, it's "White Ram's Chronicle." After all, every chapter's story revolves around White Ram, just told from Yan Zhichun's perspective. Combined with the autobiography of the Human Rat and that of Yan Zhichun, this fills in White Ram's plot line, fulfilling one of my wishes. Barring surprises, Yan Zhichun's is the last character autobiography in the main story. There's a small chance I might insert Chu Tianqiu's autobiography later.)
(Many character autobiographies have now been actively deleted by me. As you can see from the recent ones—whether Xu Liunian, Zheng Yingxiong, or Yan Zhichun—I've basically only kept those that fill gaps or complete backstory. Independent character stories like Lawyer Zhang or Qiao Jiajin have been removed. But regardless, they will all appear in the side stories eventually. Please look forward to it! Thank you again!)