Chapter 46: So Useless It Breaks Through the Ceiling
Goss led Su Xiao through the courtyard and into a somewhat dilapidated two-story residence. The place was kept clean but had clearly gone a long time without repairs.
Goss pushed open the door and entered the living room.
"Her Highness the Princess is indeed resting. Please wait a moment."
Goss headed up the stairs, but Su Xiao didn't wait in the living room; he followed right up the stairs.
"Iron Hand, you'd better know your place—"
Boom!
Su Xiao suddenly kicked Goss in the abdomen. Goss never expected Su Xiao to attack, so he was sent flying directly.
Bang, bang...
Goss crashed through two walls before stabilizing himself. He landed in a crouch, one hand clutching his stomach, his face pale and green.
"Do you think I came here to beg for an audience with Alisa Herbert? If you keep yapping, I'll kill Alisa Herbert too."
Su Xiao glanced at Goss and continued up the stairs.
Goss crouched on the ground, his expression shifting wildly. Amu and Bubu Wang blocked his path. If he dared to step forward again, he would die here today. Su Xiao had his limits. Though he planned to use this guy as cannon fodder, he wouldn't tolerate his endless blathering.
Goss's face darkened like a storm cloud. His mission was to protect Alisa Herbert, but was that really the truth?
Years of guardianship had twisted Goss's loyalty. At some point, he had come to see the timid princess as his personal property. He didn't dare to defile her, but he fiercely kept outsiders away from Princess Alisa.
Su Xiao's visit to Alisa Herbert wasn't a private call—it was an order. It wasn't a question of whether Alisa Herbert wanted to see him; she had to.
In a study on the second floor, a young woman with long golden hair, wearing a white dress, was flipping through a book. She jumped at the sudden crash downstairs, and the book slipped from her hands.
With a creak, the door was pushed open. Alisa Herbert turned to look. A strange man entered the room, and his gaze filled her with instinctive fear.
"Y-you... hello."
Alisa Herbert spoke softly, but her voice was so low that Su Xiao couldn't hear what she said.
Su Xiao stepped forward until he was only about a meter away from Alisa Herbert. Her breathing quickened. Aside from her father the king and her guardian knight Goss, no man had ever been this close to her. As for being touched, since Alisa had come of age, no man had ever laid a hand on her—thanks to Goss's twisted "protection."
"W-what... what do you want?"
Alisa Herbert held her right hand behind her back, clutching a thick book—her "weapon" for self-defense.
But her expression wasn't fierce at all. It clearly said, "If you come any closer, I'll cry."
Su Xiao felt like he had discovered a "new species." He had met many princes and princesses before—they were either refined in speech or graceful in manner. A princess like Alisa Herbert was truly rare.
The reason Alisa Herbert was like this was that she often stayed home reading books. That was her greatest hobby. In her eyes, the outside world was too dangerous. The way strange men looked at her made her feel like they wanted to devour her at any moment, and her brothers were even scarier.
Alisa Herbert didn't want to die, so she protected herself in an unusual way: by making herself seem harmless.
As it turned out, Alisa Herbert succeeded. When the Third Prince learned that Su Xiao had already gone to see Alisa Herbert, his expression was priceless. His first thought was that the arrogant Holy Warrior was doomed. His second thought was that Alisa Herbert, that little rabbit, might be in for a rough time.
Indeed, the princes and princesses privately called Alisa Herbert "Little Rabbit"—a beautiful "herbivore," the most useless princess in history. No exceptions.
The reason Alisa Herbert had no fiefdom wasn't that the old king hadn't given her one. Originally, she had been granted a piece of land that, while not rich, was in a good location.
But a few months later, the old king was astonished to learn that a rebel army had risen on that fief. Even the steady old king was stunned for a few seconds. After learning the reason, he drank some wine that night just to fall asleep. Before bed, he issued a decree: bring Alisa Herbert back to the capital, give her a residence, and let her live in the capital. Don't let her go out and embarrass the royal family anymore.
In truth, by the time the old king gave the order, the castle where Alisa Herbert lived was already surrounded by rebels. She was trembling inside.
That night, the Kingdom's Legion Commander, Heshilite, rushed over. By dawn the next day, the rebels were all wiped out. When Heshilite learned why they had risen up, he was speechless for a long time. Finally, he just said, "His Majesty is wise."
And so, Alisa Herbert, whose administrative skills were so bad they stung the eyes, was sent to the capital. The old king didn't want to see this useless waste, so he placed her on the outskirts of the capital.
Alisa Herbert was a beautiful princess. If some drunken lecher broke into her home, it would be a royal scandal. So the old king assigned the Holy Warrior Goss to protect Alisa Herbert's safety.
As the Seventh Prince put it, Goss was strong but had an inflated sense of self—commonly known as having no self-awareness. Among the Holy Warriors, Goss was highly ostracized because he was too arrogant, looking down on almost everyone.
And so, two oddballs settled in the capital: master and servant. The master was laughably useless, and the servant was arrogantly blind to everyone else.
Still, all the princes and princesses shared one understanding: Alisa Herbert was a harmless "herbivore."
Normally, someone like Alisa Herbert would be either a schemer or a manipulator. The princes and princesses initially thought so, but after a few years, they were amazed to find they had misjudged their sister. She was genuinely useless—it wasn't an act.
The old king chose Alisa Herbert for no special reason. He was just making use of trash. He knew that any prince or princess who fell into Su Xiao's hands would meet a bad end, so he picked the most useless one to indirectly preserve the kingdom's strength.
"U-um... it's lunchtime. Can I go eat lunch?"
Alisa Herbert spoke weakly. Su Xiao raised an eyebrow. In a situation like this, this princess was still thinking about lunch? Living just to eat and die—this level of uselessness was indeed rare.
"S-say something... unless..."
Alisa Herbert seemed to think of something terrible. Seeing her expression, Su Xiao thought she finally understood the situation.
"Unless... you're here to rob me?"
Alisa Herbert looked very serious. Su Xiao retracted his earlier thought. This one's brain circuitry was on par with Bubu Wang when he was being an idiot.
"Come with me."
Su Xiao turned and walked out of the room.
"I... I won't."
Alisa Herbert tried to be firm. If she weren't trembling, it might have been somewhat convincing.
"Stop wasting time."
Su Xiao's eyes flashed with killing intent.
"Help!! Even if I die... wait, no, don't kill me. I'll go, I'll go."
Su Xiao dragged Alisa Herbert downstairs. Without a doubt, a princess this stupid was perfect for bringing beneath the throne. If it came to a battle of wits, even Bubu Wang in his idiot mode could crush her.