Chapter 430: Another Bowl of Rice on the Table
The ink-green python robe was exactly what Little Muddy had shed when it advanced to Nascent Soul, refined into a magic robe that True Lord River-Cutter had paid a fortune to hire a master to secretly craft.
Gu Can no longer tucked his hands into his sleeves, no longer that elusive demon prince who had made countless wild cultivators at the Bookwriting Lake find him unfathomable. He spread his arms and bounced in place. "Chen Ping'an, you've grown so tall! I thought that after we met again, I'd be as tall as you!"
But the middle-aged man remained silent.
The Poolwater City crowd watching the street didn't dare breathe too loudly. Even Lu Caisang, as unruly as Gu Can himself, felt inexplicably uneasy.
Gu Can scratched his head.
Chen Ping'an finally spoke, his voice hoarse. "Is Auntie well?"
Gu Can nodded vigorously. "Well!"
Chen Ping'an said, "I'd like to visit Auntie. Is that alright?"
Gu Can asked, aggrieved, "What's there to ask about? My mother often talks about you too. Chen Ping'an, why are you being so distant?"
Chen Ping'an said, "I'll wait for you at the ferry. First finish your crab feast with your friends, then take me to Green Gorge Island."
Gu Can chuckled. "Why bother with them? Let them wait. Come on, I'll take you to Green Gorge Island right now. Mother and I have a big mansion to live in now—way more luxurious than Mud Vase Alley. Forget a carriage, even Little Muddy can come and go freely. Imagine what a big road that must be, what an imposing mansion, right?"
Chen Ping'an asked, "Shouldn't you at least send word to Fan Yan and Yuan Yuan?"
Gu Can shook his head. "No need. Those fair-weather friends of mine aren't worth a damn."
Chen Ping'an said nothing more, only glanced at the figure behind Gu Can—that "Little Muddy" he had fished out from between the ridges all those years ago.
Now it appeared in human form, looking like an ordinary young woman. But upon closer inspection, its golden vertical pupils betrayed its true nature to any cultivator.
When Chen Ping'an looked at it, this descendant of one of the five true dragons from Pear Blossom Cave Heaven—who didn't even respect Liu Zhimao at the Bookwriting Lake—didn't retreat like it had during their first encounter. Still, it lowered its gaze, as if afraid to meet Chen Ping'an's eyes.
Chen Ping'an said nothing, turned, and walked toward the ferry.
Gu Can hurried after him, watching Chen Ping'an's back. After a moment's thought, he told Lu Caisang to inform Fan Yan and the others, and had Little Muddy bring the Nascent Soul assassin's wife along.
Lu Caisang started to speak, hesitated, but Gu Can's eyes turned cold. Lu Caisang snorted and left.
Gu Can swaggered off to catch up with Chen Ping'an, delighted, his wide python sleeves flapping, stirring gusts of eerie wind.
If not for Chen Ping'an's arrival, the woman would have died today. The threat of exterminating her clan hadn't been a joke at all—they would have been reunited in the underworld.
When Gu Can saw Chen Ping'an pass by the carriage without stopping, he called out, "Chen Ping'an, don't you want to take the carriage?"
Chen Ping'an didn't stop or turn around. "I have my own feet, and I can keep up with a carriage."
So Gu Can had Little Muddy bring the assassin to the carriage while he followed Chen Ping'an on foot to the ferry where the Green Gorge Island ship was docked.
The whole way, Gu Can neither asked why Chen Ping'an had slapped him twice nor boasted about his exploits at the Bookwriting Lake. He just chatted idly, telling Chen Ping'an interesting stories he had heard about Dragon Spring Commandery.
But the closer they got to the Bookwriting Lake, the more dejected Gu Can became.
Because just as he had ignored those so-called friends, Chen Ping'an hadn't spoken a single word to him during the entire journey. What struck Gu Can as strange, though, wasn't that Chen Ping'an seemed to be suppressing a volcano of fury, but rather that he seemed absentminded—or more precisely, lost in his own thoughts. This made Gu Can breathe a little easier.
What Gu Can feared most was Chen Ping'an remaining silent, seeing him, giving him two slaps, and then leaving without another word.
Never seeing each other again for the rest of their lives. And if they happened to meet by chance in the future, they would just be strangers.
As they boarded the ship, with Little Muddy and the Nascent Soul woman following behind, Gu Can asked cautiously, "Chen Ping'an, how about I let that assassin go? I'm in a good mood today. Letting her go wouldn't matter."
Chen Ping'an paused briefly in his steps, but still didn't stop. He continued walking.
Gu Can could clearly sense the anger and... disappointment in Chen Ping'an at that moment.
But Gu Can didn't understand why he had said that, done that... and why, in Chen Ping'an's eyes, it was wrong again.
So Gu Can turned his head, tucked his hands into his sleeves, and while still walking, twisted his neck to stare coldly at the woman.
All because this damned woman had chosen today to show up and try to assassinate him, making Chen Ping'an angry at him. She deserved to die ten thousand deaths—exterminating her clan wouldn't be enough!
At the bow of the ship, Chen Ping'an stood still, gazing alone at the distant lake.
Gu Can, feeling both wronged and resentful yet wanting to stay close to Chen Ping'an, could only stand a few steps behind him. He didn't even have the confidence to stand shoulder to shoulder with Chen Ping'an.
Just then, the assassin woman, who had sensed a glimmer of hope for survival, dropped to her knees and knocked her head against the deck. "Please let me go. I know you're a good person, a merciful living Buddha. Please tell Gu Can to spare me this once. If you don't kill me, I'll build a memorial archway and a shrine for you, my great benefactor. I'll burn incense and kowtow to you every day. Even if you want me to be Gu Can's beast of burden, I'll do it..."
Little Muddy's fingers twitched slightly.
Gu Can, on the other hand, laughed. He turned to Little Muddy and shook his head, letting the assassin continue begging for mercy, her head thumping against the deck.
Chen Ping'an tremblingly took off his Sword-Nurturing Gourd, took a large gulp of wine, then turned around. But his gaze wasn't on the woman who called him a good person and a living Buddha—it was on Gu Can. "Why didn't you just kill her?"
Gu Can replied seriously, "Killing just her wouldn't work. Too many people at the Bookwriting Lake are looking for death. Chen Ping'an, you might not know this, but in our lawless Bookwriting Lake, if I only killed whoever tried to kill me, that would be an act of supreme mercy. Those tens of thousands of wild cultivators and all the lakeshore city dwellers who depend on various island lords—they would all look down on me and laugh at me."
As if afraid Chen Ping'an might not believe him, Gu Can turned to Little Muddy. "Isn't that right? I'm not lying to Chen Ping'an, am I?"
That most lawless Little Muddy at the Bookwriting Lake nodded timidly.
The woman, having become a Nascent Soul Earth Immortal and daring enough to assassinate Gu Can, was certainly no fool. She instantly caught the implication in that statement—she was expendable. She felt as if she had fallen into an ice pit, her eyes darting uncertainly as she lowered her head.
Chen Ping'an looked at her and asked, "If I could guarantee that killing only you would allow everyone connected to you to live, what would you do?"
The woman raised her head, tearful. "I know you're a good person. Why can't you spare me too? I know I was wrong. I shouldn't have tried to assassinate Gu Can. I promise that from now on, if I see Gu Can, I'll take a detour. Please save me. Saving one life outweighs building a seven-story pagoda! Please!"
Chen Ping'an said slowly, "If your assassination had succeeded today, and Gu Can had knelt before you, begging you to spare him and his mother, would you have agreed? Just tell me the truth."
Wiping away her tears, the woman said, "Even if I were willing to spare Gu Can, that sword cultivator from Crimson Torch Dynasty would definitely have killed him. But if Gu Can had begged me, I would certainly have spared his mother. I would have stepped in to protect that innocent woman and made sure she wasn't harmed."
Gu Can smiled brightly.
He knew perfectly well that this woman was bluffing, saying anything to survive. What lie wouldn't she tell? Gu Can wasn't surprised. What did it matter? As long as Chen Ping'an was willing to nod, willing not to stay angry at him, releasing an ant or two like these was no big deal. Not just this Nascent Soul Earth Immortal's worthless life—even her entire clan, it didn't matter. These ants with their worthless motives, promises, and cultivation levels—he, Gu Can, didn't care about them at all. Hadn't he deliberately taken a detour to attend that banquet just for fun? To toy with these fools who mistakenly thought they held all the cards?
Chen Ping'an said slowly to Gu Can, "I didn't think you were wrong to kill her in the street. Killing her here would be fine too. And killing her at Green Gorge Island would also be acceptable."
Gu Can was stunned.
Chen Ping'an asked, "Back on the street, what did you call her?"
Gu Can thought for a moment. "Auntie."
Chen Ping'an asked, "What do I call your mother?"
Gu Can replied gloomily, "Auntie too."
Chen Ping'an murmured, "A family should be complete. A family should be reunited."
Gu Can's eyes suddenly reddened. He lowered his head. "Then what exactly do you want me to do? Kill her or let her go? What will make you stop being angry, stop losing your temper, stop ignoring me? Chen Ping'an, tell me, and I'll do it."
Chen Ping'an turned around. "As you wish. After I visit Green Gorge Island and see Auntie, I might leave right after I've said what I need to say."
Chen Ping'an said no more.
Gu Can clenched his teeth, his eyes moist, his fists tight.
Gu Can and Little Muddy were connected in spirit. Without needing instructions, Little Muddy grabbed the Nascent Soul Earth Immortal like a chick and dragged her off to a sealed cabin.
Chen Ping'an remained standing at the bow.
During this time, Gu Can went up to the ship's top deck, restless and irritable, smashing all the cups on the table. The few young serving girls with open collars trembled, wondering why their young master, usually grinning all day, was so furious today.
Little Muddy stood nearby, also feeling frustrated.
Gu Can looked up at Little Muddy, then smiled triumphantly. "Little Muddy, don't worry. Chen Ping'an is just angry at me. It was always like this when we were kids. If I upset him, no matter how much I followed him around saying nice things, he wouldn't talk to me—exactly like today. But whenever someone really bullied me or my mother, neighbors or the troublemakers in our town, he'd still help us. After that, if I cried and made a scene, Chen Ping'an would stop being angry. It's a pity I don't have those two snotty noses anymore—that was my greatest weapon, you know? Every time Chen Ping'an helped me and my mother, as soon as he saw me sniffle, he couldn't keep a straight face. He'd laugh, and after that, he wouldn't be angry at me anymore."
Little Muddy nodded.
Only Gu Can and Little Muddy themselves knew why it had taken a step back on the street.
It was truly afraid.
It was a kind of reverence and dread that touched the very foundation of its Dao.
Probably not even Chen Ping'an himself, nor the entire Pear Blossom Cave Heaven, nor Gu Can's current master, True Lord River-Cutter Liu Zhimao, knew the reason.
Because this Little Muddy was very different from the golden carp in Li Er's Dragon King Basket or the five-legged snake in Song Jixin's courtyard. The fortune of successfully capturing Little Muddy was a great opportunity that belonged to Chen Ping'an himself! It was the only opportunity at Pear Blossom Cave Heaven that Chen Ping'an had seized with his own ability and had the chance to firmly grasp! But acting from his true heart, Chen Ping'an had given it to Gu Can, who had shamelessly asked him for the mud loach, also acting from his true heart, in a moment of spiritual resonance. Chen Ping'an had thus given away his own opportunity, which then became Gu Can's own Dao opportunity.
But that didn't change the fact that, for Little Muddy, Chen Ping'an was still its half-master!
Although Chen Ping'an now certainly couldn't control Little Muddy, who was already at the Nascent Soul stage, Little Muddy wouldn't dare to attack Chen Ping'an unless its current master, Gu Can, gave it a direct order.
Gu Can suddenly slumped onto the table. "Little Muddy, besides my mother, Chen Ping'an is the only person in the world who has truly been willing to give me the best thing he had. When he wasn't yet a kiln worker, and after he became one, he was always like that. Whenever he had a little money, he wouldn't buy anything for himself, but if I craved something, he'd spend without a second thought. He'd even lie to me, saying he'd earned a lot. I only found out later when Liu Xianyang let it slip. Little Muddy, why do you think Chen Ping'an is angry?"
Little Muddy shook its head.
Gu Can turned over, resting the back of his head on the table, his hands tucked into his sleeves. "What do you think? How long will Chen Ping'an be angry this time? Sigh, I don't even dare to tell him about those serving girls now. What do I do?"
Gu Can wept. "I know it's different this time. Before, it was other people bullying me and my mother. So when he saw that, his heart would ache for me. No matter how unreasonable or angry I was, he would never stop seeing me as his brother. But it's different now. Mother and I are doing well now. Chen Ping'an thinks that even without him, we can live just fine. So he'll stay angry forever. He'll never talk to me again for the rest of his life. But I want to tell him—that's not how it is. Without Chen Ping'an, I would be heartbroken. I would be heartbroken for the rest of my life. If Chen Ping'an doesn't care about me anymore, I won't stop him. I'll just tell him: if you dare to stop caring about me, I'll become an even bigger villain. I'll do even worse things. I'll make sure that wherever you go in Treasure Bottle Continent, go to Parasol Leaf Continent or the Middle Earth Divine Continent, you'll hear the name Gu Can!"
Gu Can covered his face with both hands.
This was only the second time at the Bookwriting Lake that Gu Can had shown such weakness. The first time was when he celebrated the Mid-Autumn Festival with his mother on Green Gorge Island and had also talked about Chen Ping'an.
Little Muddy, connected to Gu Can's heart, shared all his joys, sorrows, anger, and happiness. It wept too.
The ship finally arrived at Green Gorge Island.
As they disembarked, Chen Ping'an took out a jade token and handed it to Little Muddy. In a low voice, he said, "Give this to Liu Zhimao. Tell him to keep it for now and return it to me when I leave Green Gorge Island. Also, tell him this: while I'm on Green Gorge Island, I don't want to see him even once."
When Little Muddy took the token, it was like a child grabbing a red-hot coal. It suddenly let out a piercing shriek that tore through the sky, almost transforming into its true form—a flood dragon hundreds of feet long—and wanted to smash the Green Gorge Island ferry dock with one claw.
Just as it was about to throw the token away, Chen Ping'an said expressionlessly, "Hold on to it!"
Filled with fear, Little Muddy endured the excruciating pain and clenched the strange jade token engraved with the words "I Nurture the Grand Spirit of Righteousness," then went to find True Lord River-Cutter.
Some people were already waiting at the dock, bowing and scraping obsequiously before Gu Can.
Chen Ping'an said to Gu Can, "Please tell Auntie that I'd like to eat a home-cooked meal again. Just a bowl of rice on the table will do."
Gu Can nodded vigorously. As long as Chen Ping'an was willing to sit down and eat, that was enough. He told an old Green Gorge Island steward to hurry to the mansion and inform his mother—no need for lavish dishes, just an ordinary home-cooked meal!
Gu Can led the way, and Chen Ping'an walked beside him, slowly.
Gu Can thought Chen Ping'an wanted the meal to be ready by the time they reached the mansion, so he deliberately slowed his pace, eager to stall for more time.
Chen Ping'an suddenly spoke. "I've been at Poolwater City for the past few days, asking about you and Green Gorge Island. I've asked many people and heard many things."
Gu Can hung his head. "I figured."
Chen Ping'an continued, "There are some things I'm afraid I won't be able to say at the dinner table. So before I see Auntie, I might say some things you won't like to hear. I hope you'll listen—whether you like it or not, whether you think it's bullshit or not—just let me finish first, alright? After I've said my piece, you can say what's on your mind. I hope you won't be like that assassin, worrying about whether I'll like what you say. I just want to hear what you really think. Say whatever comes to your mind."
Gu Can hummed in acknowledgment. "Go ahead. I'm listening."
Chen Ping'an said slowly, "I'm sorry. I came too late."
Gu Can stopped in his tracks.
Chen Ping'an stopped too. To all the curious cultivators on Green Gorge Island, he appeared as a dispirited "middle-aged man." His face was hidden, but his eyes were the window to his soul, and the exhaustion in them couldn't be disguised.
The grass-sandaled boy and the little snot-nosed child had parted too hastily back in Mud Vase Alley. Besides that business with the locust leaves, besides warning him to be careful of Liu Zhimao, besides telling the little child to take good care of his mother, Chen Ping'an had left so much unsaid.
Chen Ping'an looked up at the mountaintop of Green Gorge Island. "After that little snot-nosed kid left home, I soon left too. I began to walk the martial world, encountering all kinds of obstacles. So I was afraid of one thing: I was afraid that the little snot-nosed kid would become the kind of person you and I most disliked. A grown man who likes to bully women whose husbands aren't around. A stronger one who bullies the son of such a woman. When drunk, he would kick any child who passed by, sending them rolling on the ground. So every time I thought of you, Gu Can, the first thing I did was worry—worry about whether the little snot-nosed kid was doing well in that strange place. The second thing: I worried that if he was doing well, that grudge-holding little snot-nosed kid might slowly become the kind of person who, when strong enough and skilled enough, and in a bad mood, could kick a child and not care whether the child lived or died. Would that child die from the pain? After being rescued by Chen Ping'an and returning home, would his mother, heartbroken, have to spend so many copper coins at Yang's shop for medicine, making their livelihood even harder for the next few weeks? I was terrified of that."
"But I can't blame anyone else. I blame myself. After returning from Great Sui to our town, when I set out again, heading south to Old Dragon City, why wasn't I willing to take a detour, even if it meant delivering the sword more slowly, even if it cost me a few months, just to go see the little snot-nosed kid? To see with my own eyes how he and his mother were really doing? Instead, I relied on rumors that their lives were not in danger, that they seemed to be doing well, and thought I could go later—after I had made something of myself, when I could give the little snot-nosed kid more—before visiting him. I thought that was good enough."
"Walking the martial world, you live or die by your own hand. If you kill Green Gorge Island's protectors, kill your senior brother, kill today's assassin—if I, Chen Ping'an, were present and you couldn't kill them, I would kill them for you! No matter how many such people come, I will kill them. If one comes, I'll kill one. If ten thousand come, and I can only kill nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine, then I'll only blame myself for not having a hard enough fist or a fast enough sword! Because I promised you. I promised myself. Protecting that little snot-nosed kid is the most natural thing for me to do. There's no need for reason. None at all!"
"But you, Gu Can, can have a thousand, ten thousand reasons to tell yourself, to tell me, Chen Ping'an, that the Bookwriting Lake is just such a filthy place, that the world is just such a damned world—if I don't kill to establish my authority, others will come to kill me. None of those are reasons for you, Gu Can, to indiscriminately slaughter the innocent. So many people have died for no reason at all, people who didn't even know why. After killing them, you, Gu Can, might be able to get past that hurdle in your heart. But I, Chen Ping'an, cannot. I think of all those people—dozens, hundreds of them—each one like the little snot-nosed kid who once followed a muddy-legged Chen Ping'an around Mud Vase Alley, each one like that muddy-legged kiln worker. And then so many of them are dead. The Chen Ping'an who nearly starved to death in Mud Vase Alley but refused to knock on doors, who walked up and down Mud Vase Alley again and again—didn't die. The little snot-nosed kid who was kicked by a drunken bastard—didn't die."
Chen Ping'an stopped speaking. He patted Gu Can's shoulder. "Let's go. Auntie is still waiting for us. No matter how hard the road, we have to walk it."
They walked side by side.
Chen Ping'an said slowly, "I, Chen Ping'an, don't want to be a moral sage. But not being that kind of moral sage doesn't mean we can disregard all reason."
"Whether others are reasonable or not, I don't care. But you, Gu Can—I will care. Whether caring makes a difference or not, I have to try. After my parents died, I had no more family. Liu Xianyang and you, Gu Can—you two are my family. The world is vast, but in our town, I only have you two as family. I don't care if the sky falls anywhere else. But if it ever falls on you, no matter how capable I am, I will try—I will try to hold up that fallen sky! Even if I can't hold it up, even if I can't lift it, I, Chen Ping'an, would rather die than fail to seek justice for you!"
Back in Pear Blossom Cave Heaven.
For Liu Xianyang, Chen Ping'an tried. He was willing to die to seek justice for Liu Xianyang.
Now at the Bookwriting Lake, Chen Ping'an felt that just saying these words had drained all his spirit.
Different experiences.
Yet both had left Chen Ping'an sitting alone, like a dog by the roadside.
"If I didn't know you, Gu Can—if you tore a hole in the sky at the Bookwriting Lake and I only heard about it, I wouldn't get involved. I wouldn't come to Poolwater City. I wouldn't come to Green Gorge Island. Because I, Chen Ping'an, can't manage everything. I only have so much ability. In the mansion of the ghost woman in the wedding dress, I didn't interfere. In a commandery city of Yellow Court Nation, when I saw those sword cultivators, I didn't interfere. At Flood Dragon Trench, I did interfere, and I lost the Mountain Character Seal that Teacher Qi gave me. At Old Dragon City, I interfered, and a cultivator punched a hole through my abdomen. In this world, if you try to reason, you have to pay a price. But if you don't reason, you pay a price too! That old flood dragon at Flood Dragon Trench was almost obliterated by sword cultivators. Du Mao was beaten half to death! They were like that, and you, Gu Can, are the same. You might be alive and well today. But tomorrow? The day after? Next year? The year after that? Today you can make someone else's family reunite; tomorrow someone can do the same to you and your mother—reunited underground!"
"If it were possible, I would only want a little snot-nosed kid named Gu Can to live at the end of Mud Vase Alley. I wish I had never given you that little mud loach. I wish you were still living in Mud Vase Alley, so that every time I returned home, I could see you and Auntie. Whether your family was a little better off, or I was a little better off—you two could afford nice clothes, buy good food, and live a stable, peaceful life like that."
As they approached the mansion, as magnificent as any prince's estate, Chen Ping'an's eyes dimmed. He said softly, "I've finished what I wanted to say. I don't have the strength to say anything else. So at the dinner table, say what you want to say. I'll listen."
Gu Can raised his arm and wiped his face, not making a sound.
The mansion was huge. Just from the main gate, it took a long time to reach the dining hall.
As Chen Ping'an stepped over the threshold, he removed the mask that Zhu Lian had meticulously crafted, revealing his true face.
A richly dressed woman stood at the entrance of the main hall, craning her neck in anticipation. When she saw Chen Ping'an beside Gu Can, her eyes instantly reddened. She hurried down the steps, came to Chen Ping'an's side, and carefully studied his much taller frame. Overwhelmed with emotion, she covered her mouth, unable to utter a single word despite thousands on her mind. Deep in her heart, the woman felt a heavy guilt. Back when Liu Zhimao had visited and spoken of the little mud loach's significance, she had harbored a vicious thought. If it could secure that opportunity for her son, she wished that the young neighbor from Mud Vase Alley who had helped her and her son so many times...
Would die.
Chen Ping'an smiled. "Auntie."
The woman choked up. "Good, good, good. Just like my Can'er—you're both doing well. That's better than anything else. Come inside quickly. The island steward's message was so urgent, I only managed to cook two dishes myself. The rest was prepared by the household staff, but everything is made to our hometown's taste—truly authentic home cooking. Chen Ping'an, you won't find it strange."
Chen Ping'an said, "I've troubled you, Auntie."
The woman gave him a glare. "What nonsense are you talking!"
Chen Ping'an fell silent.
The mother and son, along with someone neither of them considered an outsider, entered the house and took their seats.
Although they were home-style dishes, they were still quite lavish, filling the table.
The woman had also prepared the rarest immortal wine of the Bookwriting Lake—Cry of the Crow Wine—which was worlds apart from the so-called Cry of the Crow sold in the streets of Poolwater City.
She filled a cup for Chen Ping'an, and no matter how much he tried to stop her, she insisted.
Gu Can, who didn't usually drink and especially never drank at home, also asked his mother for a cup today.
The woman paused, then smiled and poured one for him.
At the large round table, the woman sat in the seat of honor. Chen Ping'an sat facing away from the door, and Gu Can sat between them.
Gu Can turned to his mother and said, "Before we eat, I want to say something to Chen Ping'an."
The woman, skilled at reading people, had already noticed something was wrong, but she kept her smile. "Go ahead, you two talk. I'll pour your wine when you're done."
Gu Can downed his wine in one gulp, then covered his cup with his hand to signal he wouldn't drink anymore. He turned to Chen Ping'an. "Chen Ping'an, how do you think I, Gu Can, should protect my mother? Do you know how many times one of us almost died at Green Gorge Island?"
The woman's heart trembled. Her expression stiff, she sat in her seat, twisting the hem of her clothes nervously under the table.
Gu Can continued, "Should I only kill the person who tried to harm me? What about the mastermind behind that assassin? What about the villains hiding further away?"
"Should I go find them one by one and warn them first? Tell them, 'I, Gu Can, am very powerful. Little Muddy is even more powerful. So don't come looking for trouble, or I'll beat you to death'?"
"Do you think the assassination attempts at Green Gorge Island were all carried out by outsiders? By enemies seeking death?"
"Have you considered that it might have been Liu Zhimao, my dear master, who arranged them? Hiding among those murder attempts?"
"You, Chen Ping'an, might say that's not necessarily true. And you're right—it's not. I won't lie to you and say Liu Zhimao definitely had a hand in it! But I only have one mother. I only have one life. Why should I gamble on a 'not necessarily'?"
Gu Can stood up, enraged. "Chen Ping'an! Even if you beat me to death today, I won't fight back. But before you beat me to death, I'll tell you: I, Gu Can, have done nothing wrong! Even if I'm wrong, I won't admit it! I won't change! I'll never change, not in this life! Not even in death!"
Gu Can's face twisted, not with his usual hatred for whoever was in his sight, but with self-loathing—hatred for the entire Bookwriting Lake, hatred for everyone, and the immense grievance of not being understood by the person he cared about most.
"In this place, I'm essentially bedding down with tigers. If I don't skin them and wear their hides, I'll freeze to death. If I don't drink their blood and eat their flesh, my mother and I will starve and die of thirst! Chen Ping'an, I'm telling you: this isn't our Mud Vase Alley. There, there were only nasty adults who would steal my mother's clothes. Here, there are people who would eat my mother down to the bone, make her wish she were dead. I don't just run into a drunken bastard in the alley who kicks me because he doesn't like the look of me!"
"Do you have any idea how afraid I am here?"
"Do you have any idea how much I wish you were by my side, like before, protecting me? Protecting my mother?"
"Chen Ping'an, you don't know!"
"You just hit me and scold me!"
Finally, tears streaming down his face, Gu Can sobbed, "I don't want you, Chen Ping'an, to come to the Bookwriting Lake next time just to visit our graves! I still want to see you, Chen Ping'an..."
Gu Can walked out of the room, whimpering, but didn't go far. He sat down on the threshold.
Chen Ping'an remained seated. He looked up and said hoarsely to the woman, "Auntie, I won't drink. Can you bring me a bowl of rice?"
The frightened woman quickly wiped away her tears, nodded, and got up to bring Chen Ping'an a bowl of rice. Chen Ping'an stood to take it, gently placed it on the table, and sat down.
On the table, another bowl of rice.
Back in someone else's house in Mud Vase Alley, when Chen Ping'an was even younger than Gu Can was now, there had also been a bowl of rice, placed like this on the table.
Chen Ping'an raised a hand. It trembled slightly. In the end, he didn't pick up the chopsticks. Instead, he took a book from his chest and placed it beside the bowl of rice.
A book. An old, yellowed boxing manual.
Chen Ping'an smoothed it out gently with his hand.
It had accompanied him across thousands of mountains and rivers, witnessed the boundless wonders of the world, and borne witness to all his joys and sorrows.
He had flipped through it so many times, yet it remained neat and almost entirely unwrinkled.
He had only shown it once to the old man in the bamboo tower at Fallen Mountain. But even then, Chen Ping'an had pestered the old man to be careful with every turn of the page, nagging endlessly, until the old man gave him another beating as a lesson: "A martial artist who can't even let go of a worn-out book, and still wants to contain the world within their fist intent?"
He had shown it to the girl he loved, back before they had feelings for each other, because she needed to learn to read, to understand what the boxing manual said. At the time, it had made her unhappy, too—she had mistakenly thought he looked down on her, that she was coveting the manual's techniques and would secretly learn them.
The grace of a meal was the grace of saving a life.
A boxing manual was also a lifesaving grace.
Chen Ping'an bit his lip and, without turning his head, said softly, "Gu Can, we agreed back then. This boxing manual is something I borrowed from you. One day, I have to return it to you."
Gu Can suddenly stood up and roared, "I don't want it back! If I gave it to you, it's yours! When you said you'd return it, I never agreed! You want to talk about reason!"
Then Gu Can wept, begging, "Chen Ping'an, please don't do this. I'm scared..."
In the eyes of that stubborn, precocious child, there was only one person in the world who was truly reasonable: Chen Ping'an. It had always been that way.
Chen Ping'an said nothing. He picked up the chopsticks, lowered his head, and began to eat.
Until he finished that bowl of rice, he never lifted his head again.